When Gene Wilder Played God (in a Chocolate Factory)

The Strict Judge

It doesn’t take long for Willy Wonka to realize that he’s touring with a bunch of pint-size pests. Augustus Gloop eats far too much. Veruca Salt is a spoiled, rich brat. Violet Beauregarde is obsessed by gum. Mike Teevee is addicted to television.

For them, Wonka’s glorious factory becomes something akin to Dante’s nine circles of hell—with each one punished in a way absolutely suited to their individual vices.

When you read the Bible, you’ll read plenty of passages that suggest God does punish the wicked. There are rules on how we should behave, and when you read through the Old Testament, you’ll find plenty of ’em. I think, when we’re feeling particularly good ourselves, we’re attracted to the idea of some sort of cosmic punishment system. Internet trolls and tailgaters should get what’s coming to them.  The Veruca Salts of the world could stand to be cut down a size or two.

But it makes us nervous—and rightfully so—when we realize those rules might pertain to us. Being “pretty OK” just doesn’t cut it, theologically speaking. “You therefore must be perfect, as your Heavenly Father is perfect,” Jesus tells us in Matthew. That’s an alarming directive, considering none of us could ever be perfect.

Willy Wonka holds to those strict guidelines. After all his other contest winners have succumbed to their various sins, Charlie—good, innocent, kind Charlie—is left. He’s as blameless as they come … except for some ill-advised sips of Wonka’s super-secret fizzy lifting drinks.

“You lose!” Wonka screams. “Good day sir!”

And under the “rules,” so would we. But thankfully, we get an out.