Searching for Tom Sawyer
OK…I’ll dive in and take the heat: Does anyone else find it a bit disingenuous that a beer company (one of the NFL’s biggest sponsors) said that they were not satisfied with the way the NFL was handling the domestic abuse issues?
While many studies suggest that substance abuse and domestic violence are two separate problems, it’s hard to deny that alcohol is a fuel that makes domestic violence worse.
Seemingly every commercial break during NFL games wants to convince our sons that the only way to get the girl, the only way to enjoy the game, the only way to have fun with your friends, the only way to really grab hold of life, is to drink alcohol. It’s a compelling storyline!
Should we be surprised then, that 4 out of 5 college students drink? And that half of those drinkers binge drink? (More than 690,000 students between the ages of 18 and 24 are assaulted by another student who has been drinking. More than 97,000 students between the ages of 18 and 24 are victims of alcohol-related sexual assault or date rape.)
But while beer companies hide under the “drink responsibly” card, who is actually creating a compelling case for drinking responsibly? For moderation? Or for not drinking at all? (In fact, it’s become hip for Christians to express their freedom in Christ by wearing their drinking as a badge of honor. See a 30 year old Christian’s article: Why I gave up alcohol)
Who’s helping our boys and girls come to terms with the “violence of alcohol?” The way it rips apart families? The death and despair it can leave in its wake? The insidiousness of addiction? The deadly downside to it?
Ever seen a beer commercial focused on an accident scene? Or at an AA meeting? Or built around man who’s had one too many and is exploding at his wife?
Or, more to my point: Ever seen beer commercial where the guy who doesn’t drink is cool? (Yesterday I was sitting in the hallway during my granddaughter’s dance lesson. A 30 year old mom was talking about a man she knows who doesn’t drink. Her comment: I couldn’t date a guy like that!)
(A few weeks ago Dr. Phil was on Letterman. Stats had just been released saying that there are now more singles than married couples in the US. Letterman asked Dr. Phil why that was. His answer: Because nobody sells marriage! Sell a new car: Wow, it’s cool. It’s got this and that, etc. Marriage: It’s so hard. It takes work, etc. Same with drinking. Anyone marketing non-drinking as cool?)
While the NFL has done a poor job so far of standing on the side of victims of domestic violence and condemning it in it’s organization, most boys know instinctively that beating up a woman or a child is ugly and wrong. No one in our society says it’s ok.
But alcohol is a different story. It’s pervasive in our culture. Everybody drinks…and if you don’t, people wonder what’s wrong with you or assume you’re a judgmental religious nutter. Drinking is not only culturally acceptable, it’s culturally expected.
But here’s the thing nobody really wants to talk about (because it makes us seem like holier than thou legalists—but I’m willing to risk it)…it’s also killing us.
My point isn’t to condemn those who choose to drink responsibly. My point is that we have a teaching moment with our boys right now (and our girls):
If we want to raise boys into noble men (and girls into strong, centered women) then perhaps it’s time to examine our assumptions about alcohol and its impact on our personal lives, our families, our society, and country…and find compelling ways to teach our boys how to handle it responsibly, if they chose to handle it at all. Let’s talk honestly about the whole subject of alcohol from its social appeal to drunk drivers to its addictive nature to the way it clouds our judgment and give our boys a fighting chance to make a good, responsible decision about it!
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