If you’ve read my book, you know the story of my failed business. Without getting into specifics, the business failed because of factors outside of my control. Nevertheless, it failed. I remember what a terrifying experience that was for me. I would wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat stricken with anxiety. Before that time, I had never experienced anxiety. It felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest and my heart was about to explode. At the root of it all, my fear was that I wouldn’t survive. I feared that my failed business would result in lawsuits and those lawsuits would turn into judgments and those judgments would ruin my life.
But that overwhelming fear was missing one thing: trust that God would get me through it. During that frightening time, I spent countless hours praying for God’s help but — as humans tend to do — I still had doubts and feared the worst. But as God has proven time and time again, he is faithful.
It’s been six long years since that business failed and I thought that I had put that terrible nightmare behind me, so I thought. Yesterday, one of my greatest fears had been realized. I was notified that there is a judgment in my name at a price that will absolutely cripple Catherine and me financially. Apparently the company that owns the office I leased sued me for breaking our lease six years ago. It was my understanding, and the understanding of my then lawyer, that the lease was in the company’s name and there would be no personal legal repercussions. And somehow, even though I had two equal partners, I’m the only party listed on the judgment.
I was sitting in my car in the Home Depot parking lot last night when I received the news. In a flash, those old feelings of fear and anxiety came rushing back. I immediately thought of Catherine and our baby and how this might destroy everything we’ve worked so hard for and how our lives as we know it might crumble. Yes, it sounds dramatic, but that’s exactly what went through my mind.
As Catherine always does, she told me everything would be okay and we’d find a way to work through it all. She told me over and over again that it was just money and we’d be okay. Her calming presence helped a little but my mind kept drifting back to that place that told me “It’s not just money. It’s an amount of money that can really hurt us and she doesn’t understand the gravity of it all.”
Late last night, I called my dad and told him I needed some encouragement. I was at my breaking point and my dad has always been the best person to go to for Godly wisdom and comfort. I briefed him on the situation facing me and he told me something that stuck with me. He said, “God isn’t surprised by this. He knew it was coming and He will get you through it.” On top of that, my dad told me several times that I wasn’t alone in this. He and my mom were in it with me. My dad also sent me a text first thing this morning which read, “God is still in control and had made provisions. That’s His promise.”
After reflecting on the situation and the truths my dad presented to me, I’m realizing I can go one of two ways: I can either trust that God will pull me through this situation and make me stronger in the process or I can allow myself to become crippled with fear and lean on my own understanding. This time around, I’m going to put my trust in God. That’s not to say that fear and doubt won’t creep into my mind from time to time (I’m only human) but I’m going to try my hardest to understand that His plans are for my good.
If you’re going through a tough or scary situation, here are some verses that have helped me:
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10
“When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.” Psalm 56:3
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7
Lastly, for those wondering, I do have a very capable attorney working on this for me. Ill keep you posted as we move forward.
Even if I don’t get out of this, I’m confident God will allowed me to make it through this situation.
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