Still Learning How To Put On My Big Girl Shoes

Ever since I read Bread & Wine by Shauna Niequist, I absolutely love inviting people into our home, cooking them a good meal, and sitting around the table laughing and sharing our hearts. It’s one of my absolute favorite things. I’m learning that the table is a sacred place where you stop and enjoy people. Stop all the busyness and day-to-day routines- the errands, cleaning and work, and you sit and rest and enjoy. You get to listen and share and be encouraged, inspired, and connect. Connect over pizza, or soup or something laborious like lasagna. Whatever brings people to your table.

My parents are visiting right now from Seattle, and last Saturday Moondoggie was flying home from seminary, so I decided to make Shauna’s lasagna recipe from her new book Savor. (Which I highly recommend)

Growing up my mom would make lasagna once in awhile- only on special occasions because it took so long to make the sauce. But it was the best. I remember one time when I was 9 we had some Japanese exchange students staying with us, so my mom made her famous lasagna, and these petite girls ate the entire tray of lasagna! They said they had never tasted anything so delicious. When we brought Kinsley home from the hospital we had friends bring us meals-bless their hearts. And let’s just say we feasted on a lot of lasagna those first two weeks. LABOR OF LOVE YA’LL.

So the other day while Kins went down for her morning nap, I told my mom I was “just going to throw together some lasagna”. HA. Let’s just say lasagna cannot be “thrown” together.

I started cooking the sausage, which can I just say- sausage puzzles me. You never know what kind of sausage they’re going to offer at the store. Sometimes it’s all precooked, and comes in unique flavors like pineapple bacon (which I used for a breakfast dish- amazing), or chicken apple. Or sometimes they only have Italian SPICY, which would literally kill Moondoggie considering he can’t even do pepper. And then they’re always in links- and I never know- do you cut them up in pieces, cook ‘em whole, take them out of their shells so it looks like ground beef? It’s always a quandary to me. (What do y’all do?) Well, I cooked these bad boys in their shells, to later discover I should have taken them out first, or cut them into little pieces first because they took a century to cook up. After they were cooked, I had to cut them into pieces, which caused grease to squirt all over. I felt like I was on an episode of Grey’s Anatomy doing surgery.

After they were cooked, I started in on the sauce, which after it was bubbling, my mom came in and said “Man, that looks super dry.” I had thought the same thing, but didn’t know what to do. We realized though I was short one can of tomatoes. Ah yes. I guess I need to read how many ounces the recipe calls for, not just how many cans. So I threw in the other jar of tomatoes, and we were back in the game.

Finally, as my dad sat across from me eating his breakfast, I started layering my lasagna. Noodles. Spinach. Sauce. Ricotta. Mozzarella. Parmesan. (You know anything with multiple cheeses is gonna be BOMB. And yes I just said bomb. I did grow up in the 90’s.)

My dad looked at me quizzically and said, “Aren’t you suppose to cook those noodles first?”

“No, no. You don’t have to.” I said confidently as I slyly glanced over the recipe again just to make sure. It didn’t say to cook them. My mom looked at the recipe too, and noticed it said “No boil lasagna noodles.”

Apparently there are different types of lasagna noodles!? Who knew. I just figured you didn’t have to boil them.

Well, by this time, I was done. I had spent way too much time making this bad boy, and had come up against three hurdles. It was already layered. I felt like an epic failure. What’s a girl to do?

I threw the noodles into the pan and walked away. I just couldn’t.

When I came back after getting Kins up from her nap, my mom was boiling some noodles, and re-layering the masterpiece for me.

And here’s what I realized. I so wanted to give this gift to my parents and my husband- a homemade, hearty meal- that I did all by myself. If I’m honest, I wanted to impress them- to show them I was a big girl; a great wife and mom, and could do it all. Take care of Kins. And Aslan. And a house. And have an awesome meal on the table when Moondoggie flew in. No problem.

But the reality is, I can’t do it all.

And I don’t have to.

It’s ok to make mistakes and ask for help, and have your mama help you. It’s ok to not have it all figured out. I don’t have to prove anything. I don’t have to be perfect. I just want to love well, and laugh at my mistakes and be thankful for help. I want to be teachable. And you know what- it’s okay that I’m still learning to put on my big girl shoes. I think life is learning to put those on. Yeah, maybe I’ve graduated from Velcro sneakers to stilettos, but I’m still learning how to walk in those fancy red shoes. And laugh along the way, as I trip once in awhile.

Thanks to my parents the lasagna was a hit. BOMB DOT COM. And it was a team effort, which made it that much better.

 What funny cooking mistakes have you made before? What lessons are you currently learning? How can we cultivate teachable hearts?