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sad couple on couch

I’ve had several conversations lately where a husband or a wife will approach me (online or in person) to tell me something like this: “My husband/wife just doesn’t seem to care anymore. They’ve pulled away. They seem content to keep living this way where we basically have separate lives. I don’t want a divorce, but I can’t make him/her change and I can’t keep living like this. I feel like I will lose no matter what I do.” 

The heartbreak, exhaustion and desperation in these conversations reminds me that many couples are living in a tragic state of lonely coexistence instead of living as partners, lovers, best friends and everything else it should mean to be a husband and wife. If you find yourself in this kind of lonely, disconnected marriage, please don’t lose hope. I know it can be incredibly discouraging when it feels like you’re the only one who cares, and you might feel powerless since you can’t “make” another person feel differently or act differently, BUT there are things you CAN do to help the marriage.

Below are 5 actions you can take to help your marriage even if your spouse isn’t currently onboard. Before you read the list below, please sign up for our free, 3-Day marriage challenge as a way to jumpstart your marriage in the next three days.

Five ways to help your marriage even when your spouse doesn’t seem to care are (in no particular order)…

1.Don’t treat your spouse the way your spouse treats you. Treat your spouse the way you want to be treated.

Dave Willis marriage quote treat your spouse the way you want to be treated golden rule of marriage

I know this is easier said than done, because we naturally want to respond to negativity with negativity. I’m challenging you to go against your instincts here and show kindness even when it is not reciprocated. Your example can potentially inspire more kindness in your spouse. When your respond to negativity with more negativity or to his/her indifference with your own indifference, you’re contributing to the problem instead of contributing to the solution.

#2 is difficult but SO important



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