The 5 things your spouse will remember about you

I recently heard a couple reminiscing about past memories together and the husband said, “Last year, I bought my wife some concert tickets for her birthday to hear a band we both loved when we were younger. It was a great night and during one of their most popular songs, I leaned over to her and said, ‘Wow, this song brings back a lot of memories! I remember that time this song came on the radio and we both started singing along and then we ended up pulling the car over and making out for awhile. That was amazing.’ My wife looked up at me and said, ‘That sounds like quite a memory, but that WASN’T ME!'” 

This couple can now laugh about that awkward memory, but it also caused them to serioulsy spend more time talking about the memories they were creating together. Which ones would really last? Which ones would be the most important? Which new experiences should they focus on sharing together in the years to come? What are the moments that will define YOUR marriage?

I recently wrote a post that went viral on The 5 things your kids will remember about you and I thought it was fitting to write one specifically about those enduring memories you and your spouse will share as well. Below are five of the most significant things you and your spouse will remember about each other. I hope these simple truths will help you to stay focused on what truly matters most in your marriage.

In no particular order, I believe your spouse will remember…

1. The things you did for him/her with CONSISTENCY.

Your marriage will be shaped by your habits. When you create a habit of consistently showing thoughtfulness to your spouse, he/she will remember it and treasure those memories. These can be as simple as giving a nightly foot massage, hiding love notes around the house, sending text messages throughout the day just to say “I love you,” or a million other things. Romance in marriage is about much more than big, one-time events; it’s about doing the little things with consistency and thoughtfulness. Those little things add up over time.

2. The times you selflessly SACRIFICED for him/her.

Few things communicate our love as powerfully as those moments of self-sacrifice. From little acts like letting your spouse watch his/her favorite show (even though you think it’s boring) to much bigger acts like making sacrifices in your own career advancement to put the needs and desires of your husband or wife ahead of your own. Be willing to sacrifice your own temporary comforts or preferences for the sake of your spouse, and those moments will create lasting memories of your love.

3. The times you did something UNEXPECTED and THOUGHTFUL.

The first point talked about the importance of consistent things and habits, but your spouse will also remember those times you broke out of the regular routine and did something completely unexpected. Plan a trip and tell your spouse to block off the dates and then surprise them with going to a place he/she has always wanted to go. Purchase that thing he/she has had their eye on for awhile and surprise them with it on a “regular” day (not a birthday or holiday). Go out of your way to create delightful surprises in your marriage. They’ll create some great memories.

4. The times you were VULNERABLE in your COMMUNICATION.

Love requires vulnerability. It means letting down our guard and showing our true self along with all the warts, scars, fears, baggage and hangups we possess. In those moments when you’re willing to share your heart completely and those moments you allow your spouse to share his/her deepest desires or fears without any judgment from you, those moments will help strengthen the sacred bond between a husband and wife and create lasting memories you both will cherish.

5. The times you gave him/her the COURAGE and STRENGTH to keep going.

There will be times in your spouse’s life when he/she won’t feel like they have the strength to keep going (in their career, health, parenting, or even in the marriage). My amazing wife Ashley has wisely said, “A strong marriage rarely has two strong people at the same time. It’s a husband and wife who take turns being strong for each other in the moments when the other feels weak.” Be strong for your spouse in those moments when he/she needs your strength the most. Your strength will give him/her confidence in the moment and treasured memories in the years to come!

For more tools to build a rock-solid marriage, check out my books and our popular new video course on sex and intimacy in marriage.

For daily encouragement, please connect with me on Facebook and also connect with my wife Ashley’s daily encouragement here.

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