My wife Ashley and I were recently teaching at a marriage conference and we asked the couples do something that only took five seconds, but it made a permanent impact in their marriages. They talked about it for the rest of the conference and have continued to discuss it online afterwards.
It was a very simple exercise aimed at helped them see their spouse and their marriage in a new light. We asked them to spend five seconds looking around the the room looking for every red-colored item they could find. For five seconds, their eyes darted around cataloging red purses, shirts, shoes, walls, books, lipstick and countless other items. I then said, “Now, close your eyes. To grade yourself on this exercise, with your eyes closed, I want you to say out loud everything you just saw that was the color BLUE!”
Everyone laughed, because nobody could name ONE blue item. They opened their eyes (now looking for blue), and they spotted all kinds of blue items that had been hidden in plain sight all along. They didn’t notice them simply because they were looking for something else.
You might be asking, “What’s the Point?” Here it is…Your marriage will be largely defined by where you choose to put your FOCUS. If you’re focusing on your spouse’s negative traits or all that’s “wrong” with your marriage, that’s all you’ll see. If you choose to look for the blessings, for the good and for the moments of joy, you’ll start noticing those a lot more often.
I’m not suggesting that we need to always turn a blind eye to very real issues in the relationship that need addressing. What I’m saying is that our PERSPECTIVE needs to improve before our marriage will improve. This is not an original idea. The Bible gives is two-thousand-year-old wisdom with these words: “Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” (Philippians 4:8)
So, are you willing to give this a try? I’m not asking you to look for blue instead of red. I’m asking you to start looking for the good instead of the bad. You might instantly improve your perspective; and as a result, you’ll be bringing some instant improvements to the marriage!
For more tips and tools to help you build a rock-solid relationship, check out our new books “7 Days to a Stronger Marriage” (Husbands Edition & Wives Edition).
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