How (and why) to be nice to people.

Being nice to people isn’t a personality trait…it’s a choice. We don’t always feel like being nice, but it’s always worth the effort. It communicates our respect for the people around us and it ultimately brings joy to ourselves, encouragement to others and glory to our Creator.

One thing I have learned in life and ministry is that it’s not about the tasks; it’s about the people. The better we are at interacting with people, the better we’ll be at our work and most every other part of our lives. I definitely don’t claim to have all the answers when it comes to people skills, but here are a few simple principles I’ve learned along the way that help in all of your relationships and interactions.

1. Smile.

When you smile, it makes you more pleasant to look at (even if your teeth are messed up like many of my relatives in Kentucky). It’s disarming and usually makes the people around you feel more comfortable.

2. Make eye contact.

When you’re looking at someone and not constantly looking around or looking at your watch, it communicates to the person in front of you that you genuinely value and respect them. Even if you’re in a hurry, don’t act like it. Make them believe that there’s no place on earth more important in that moment than being there with them. Being “fully present” requires eye contact.

3. Be enthusiastic and warm even when you don’t feel like it. 

Every time you see someone, convince them and convince yourself that you’re genuinely happy to see them. When we run into someone and we’re not in the mood to talk, it’s usually written all over our faces and our body language and it creates a tense and awkward conversation that both parties want to escape. When you rise above how you’re feeling and respond to the person with warmth and enthusiasm, your feelings will usually catch up to your actions and you’ll end up having an encouraging conversation that you both will enjoy.

4. Be courteous with technology.

This is a HUGE one! In our age of smart phones, there’s a whole new set of rules for what’s acceptable and polite in conversation. As a few general rules, don’t check your phone in the middle of a conversation unless you are expecting an important call. Talking with the person in front of you is always more important than texting with somebody else. Also, if someone calls you, don’t return their call with a text or an email. I know it’s tempting and it’s a time saver, but if they called you, have the courtesy to call them back.

5. Actually listen to what they’re saying.

Instead of just nodding and smiling and planning an exit strategy, make a genuine effort to listen and respond with thoughtfulness. Repeat parts of what they’ve said and ask specific questions as follow ups to your last conversation with them to let them know that you remember and care about what’s important to them.

6. Use their actual name.

When you take the time to learn someone’s name, it shows that you care. We’ve all been guilty of saying “Hey, Bro!” or “What’s up, Girl” as a substitute, but whenever possible, learn and use their name. It will make a big difference.

What tips have you learned in your relationships or career that could help the rest of us be nicer? We’d love to hear from you! Please Comment below and share your thoughts.