7 Surprising Keys to Better Sex

Every day, we receive questions online related to SEX. In fact, it’s the most popular topic whenever we poll our readers as to what they’d like to learn more about. Below are seven of the most important pieces of sex advice we’ve ever learned (and some of them might really surprise you).

7 Keys to Better Sex

1. Safflower oil (or other all-natural lubricants).
Lubricant can make a HUGE difference in the comfort and pleasure that should happen during intercourse. Many couples experience reactions or discomfort with popular lubricants like KY jelly, but there are . other, all-natural options that are typically less expensive and just as effective (without as many side effects). Safflower oil is a great option. You can find it in the cooking aisle of any grocery store. It’s inexpensive, it’s all-natural and it’s a GREAT option for a personal lubricant.

2. Make foreplay an all-day event!
Foreplay shouldn’t just be in the few minutes leading up to making love. Foreplay should be happening all day through the ways you communicate with your spouse, the ways you flirt with each other, suggestive text messages throughout the day and a million other little ways to build anticipation. There are some great examples in the book!

3. “Chore-Play”
Men, I’m talking primarily to YOU here! For men, sex is a form of stress relief, but for most women, they need stress relief BEFORE they can be in the mindset to make love. If you take some things off her to-do list by serving around the house (doing laundry, dishes, yard work, etc.), it’s going to free up her mind to be able to focus on sex instead of all the chores left to do. You’re never hotter to your wife than when she sees you checking things off her to-do list.
#4 is a HUGE key to real and lasting intimacy…

4. Have a “Naked Marriage” (and not just in the bedroom).
Nakedness in marriage shouldn’t just be physical, and I’m not advocating that you and your spouse just walk around the house with no clothes all day (thought that might be a good thing if you don’t have kids in the house). You should ALSO be naked emotionally. This means being vulnerable and transparent. It means having NO secrets from each other. Secrecy is the enemy of intimacy. Get naked emotionally with each other and then you’ll find yourselves wanting to get naked physically much more often.

5. Try to do it as often as the spouse with the higher sex drive wants to.
This isn’t always realistic, but whenever possible, I’m convinced that marriage will thrive if the spouse with the lower drive tries to fulfill the preferred frequency of the spouse with the higher drive. In reality, BOTH spouses need to be willing to step outside his/her comfort zones to put the needs of the other spouse ahead of his/her own needs, but as a rule, more sex is almost always better for a marriage than less sex, so do your best to make it a priority.

6. Stay away from porn.
Some people look at porn like harmless entertainment or a way to spice things up in the marriage, but porn is destructive. In the long run, it doesn’t actually help us connect with our spouse. Rather, it desensitizes us to being able to experience true intimacy at all. It replaces love with lust and cheapens sex to nothing more than an act of self-gratification. We share some stats and stories in the book that explain this in much more detail, but the short version is simple to have a porn-free marriage. Be physically monogamous AND mentally monogamous. Keep your fantasies focused on each other.

7. Inside AND outside the bedroom, make time together a priority.
Don’t treat your spouse like an interruption; treat him/her like your highest priority. The strongest marriages (and the most fulfilling sex lives) happen between two best friends who are making time together a priority. There are no shortcuts to a great marriage. It takes time, and it’s always well worth the effort!

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