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My wife Ashley and I recently sat down with a couple who had drifted apart and they were desperately trying to reconnect as a couple. We guided them through some questions to help them get to the root of where their relational drift had started and how they could take steps to reconnect. They weren’t intentionally hurting or neglecting each other, and yet, they both felt hurt and neglected. Simply put, their needs weren’t being met.

After some good discussion, they both realized where they had room for improvement in helping and serving each other. They seemed encouraged and optimistic about creating some new habits that would help them both. All marriages go through seasons where one or both spouse’s feel that his/her needs aren’t being met, and left unchecked, this can create resentment and eventually even divorce. Remedying the problem often begins with simply identifying what his biggest needs and her biggest needs actually are.

Every couple is different, so I don’t like making generalizations, but after communicating with countless couples both online and in person, I’m convinced this list below accurately represents the biggest needs of most men and most women. Obviously, you need to communicate with your spouse to determine how his/her needs may differ from this list below. There are many more needs than what I’m listing below, but this will give a good start. Instead of just listing needs, I’m going to break this down into five key categories. For additional tools to help you grow closer to your spouse, please check out our new 7-Day Marriage Challenge (by clicking HERE).

Here are HIS 5 biggest needs and HER 5 biggest needs (in no particular order)…



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