3 Reasons Your Porn Use Makes Your Wife Feel Awful

By Shaunti Feldhahn on June 23, 2016

Men, in more than a dozen years of research about how guys privately think about things like sex and porn use, I’ve seen a striking pattern. Although nearly all men are visually tempted today, and many hate and struggle against…

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3 reasons why you should initiate sex with your husband

By Shaunti Feldhahn on June 8, 2016

Although this article is for women, I’m sure some astonished men are looking in, and asking, “What do you mean why you should initiate sex?!”   To guys, the answer is completely obvious!  It reminds me of that line from…

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Moms: 4 things your son secretly wishes you knew about his temptations

By Shaunti Feldhahn on January 7, 2016

Moms: 4 things your son secretly wishes you knew about his temptations Even after years of researching what is in the heart and mind of men and boys, I still wasn’t quite ready when my pre-teen son began struggling with…

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For Women: Five Reasons to Have Sex with the Lights On

By Shaunti Feldhahn on December 7, 2015

Yes, the idea is scary for many women!  But in 12 years of researching the things our husbands wish we knew but don’t know how to say, I heard the heart behind this wish – and saw five surprising reasons to…

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Ladies, do you know how to support your normal, visually-wired husband in this abnormal culture? 4 actions that matter

By Shaunti Feldhahn on December 2, 2015

1. Show him you’re someone he can talk to about it. Regardless of where your man lands on the visual temptation spectrum, a calm conversation is the starting point.  But many men are hesitant to talk, since they are convinced their…

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How do I convince my wife to let me see her body?

By Shaunti Feldhahn on November 17, 2015

Dear Shaunti, OK, awkward question but here goes: how can I convince my wife to let me see her in all her glory?  We have a decent sex life, we don’t have any real marriage problems, and I’m careful to…

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Your husband wants sex? 3 things he’s not saying out loud

By Shaunti Feldhahn on October 21, 2015

Welcome to the weekly list at Ask Shaunti! Each Wednesday, join me as I share a few of the little, eye-opening things about men, women, and relationships that make a big difference in marriages and families. Your husband wants sex?…

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Lackluster Sex Life? Be a Flirt!

By Shaunti Feldhahn on August 10, 2015

Dear Shaunti,

My husband and I were both pretty sexually inexperienced when we first got married, so everything about our sex life was new, mysterious and exciting. But now we have two teenagers and we both work full-time. When we find the time for physical intimacy, it feels very forced. Like we’re just going through the motions. And that old spark isn’t there outside the bedroom either. A friend suggested that we watch porn movies to get us back to the old excitement, but I’m really not comfortable with it – is that something we should consider? I just want us to be excited about our physical relationship again. It sounds like a cliché to ask what we can do to spice things up again, but… what can we do to spice things up again?

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Should I Pray For God to Make Me More … Um … Amorous?

By Shaunti Feldhahn on May 11, 2015

Dear Shaunti,

Since sex is so important to my husband, and since you say it’s really about a man feeling desired by his wife, what can I do to get engaged and interested instead of just “accommodating” him? I know that just “going along with it” would be pretty depressing for him. But to be honest, I don’t feel that same type of desire for him, that he apparently feels for me. Don’t get me wrong; I enjoy it when we’re together. I just don’t have this overwhelming need to “go at it” the same way he does. Should I just pray for God to give me that desire? Or what?

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How Often Do Men Need to Have Sex?

By Shaunti Feldhahn on May 4, 2015

Dear Shaunti,

You’re the researcher, so please tell me the real answer: How often do guys need to have sex? I just don’t think about sex much; I guess it isn’t a need for me. But my husband says he thinks about it all the time, and he gets crabby that I’m often too tired. Even though I can go weeks or months and not miss it, since he can’t, I try to do the right thing. But oddly, even though he says he’s “deprived”, when I tell him “okay” that just makes him mad. He says he wants me to want it like he does. I feel like I can’t win. But if I knew how often a man needs sex I could plan on that, and hopefully that would help.

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