Even though most of us want to think we’re glass-half-full types, we all grumble and complain more than we know. As one of the seven patterns of negativity and unkindness found in the research for my book The Kindness Challenge, grumbling and complaining are close cousins of the relationship-killer of criticism. The good news is, grumbling has an antidote! And Thanksgiving week seems like a good time to explore it. Read more
Suspicion. We can descend into that spiral with a spouse, friend, or colleague without ever recognizing it. As one of the seven patterns of negativity and unkindness identified in the research for my book The Kindness Challenge, we need to confront four truths about suspicion so it doesn’t derail our relationships. Read more
This is Part 2 of a two-part series on date night ideas that can help keep your marriage connected, fun, and functioning! See Part 1 for the first three do’s and don’ts. You want to breathe new life into your marriage, and you know a date night is a great way to do that. But what do you do to make that happen? And perhaps just as important, what do you not do to undermine your efforts? In Part 1,... Read more
Date night. Have two words ever caused more expectation and pressure for couples? (Well, maybe “sex life,” but we’ll get to that in next week’s part 2!) Let’s take the pressure off. There is a way to turn date nights into what they are supposed to be: a great time to relax, step away from the routine, and reconnect as a couple. In this two-part series, we’ll show you research-based ways to connect in ways that make sense for you. It is all about knowing how to do that – and how not to. Read more
Too often when trust has been broken, the person who broke the trust wants to simply apologize and move on. We all wish it were that easy, but it’s not. Imagine that trust is the water in a bathtub. When trust is broken, the water is drained out of the bathtub. You can’t just turn on the faucet with an apology and voila … the trust fills the tub back up. Instead, trust is rebuilt one trust-building action, one trust-building conversation at a time. This process is like filling the bathtub up one tablespoon at a time. Read more
This is Part 2 of a two-part series on how to reduce defensiveness and have better mental health as well as more peace and productivity in your personal and professional relationships. As we explained last time, defensiveness is dangerous in marriage and relationships (friends, family, workplace, and so on). How do we interrupt the cycle and reset our approach? We continue with the last four action steps here. IMPORTANT: BEFORE you read Part 2, see Part 1, which offers crucial elements about how to reset our body’s and brain’s autonomic response when defensiveness occurs. Then, tackle the four action items below. Read more
One woman told me that in reading The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages she had been challenged to be as kind to her spouse in private as she was in public (which, according to my research, 75% of highly happy couples are). She thanked me for helping her marriage in such a practical way. I thought that was the extent of our interaction until she moved a half a step closer. Read more
One of our main goals as a ministry is to equip you because you are the boots on the ground. Whether you counsel clients, minister in churches, or simply serve and love your neighbors, we create our resources with you in mind. Please use them (more on that below) and reach out to us to let us know how we can help you! We want to offer some very, very practical help. Read more
We all know societal challenges are real. And some people are absolutely called to address them and fight for change. But it turns out: how we discuss, work, and engage for societal change is incredibly important for our kids’ mental health—and our own. Read more
Now those concerns overall are real; the data shows both trends are going the wrong direction. And given the crucial power of marriage for human flourishing, I think anything that hurts marriage is something to take seriously and address as robustly as possible. But I also think our perspective is a bit skewed. For a moment, think about the demographic of couples 25-34 years old who are living together. If I were to ask you to guess, what percentage do you think are cohabiting rather than married? Take a moment to consider that question, and then read on for several truths that put the “state of marriage” problem in perspective. Read more
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