January 9, 2024

If we want to make changes in our lives and relationships in the new year, where should we put our attention? What “little things” will make the biggest difference? Researchers have identified actions that have an outsized – almost miraculous – impact for human flourishing. We call these the simple superpowers and examine three in this series. Today’s Part 1 focuses on attitude. For a few days not long ago, I kept an eye on the social media presence of... Read more

December 19, 2023

Our “best-of” blogs for 2023 included a focus on marriage, relationships, and parenting – especially on dads. We looked at what builds relationships (e.g. kindness, listening, and gratitude) and what threatens relationships (e.g. defensiveness, sarcasm, and suspicion).  Read more

December 12, 2023

If we keep separate accounts we simply don’t feel as accountable to our partner. We are more likely to buy something we want, when we want it. (It doesn’t really matter if I buy the more expensive Christmas present, right?) By contrast, joining all accounts means we have to discuss and negotiate spending with one another ─ which helps us clarify wants versus needs, when to buy discretionary things, and holds us accountable.  Read more

December 5, 2023

In my series for Empty Nest parents this fall (see part 1, part 2 and part 3), we explored how to respect adult kids’ boundaries and switch our mindset from counselor to coach. But the essential next-step question is: what do they most want us to know?   Read more

November 28, 2023

At its best, sarcasm and joking around can create levity in hard situations. We all need to relieve the pressure valve on life sometimes! If everyone in the room knows that we have complete, unconditional respect and care for the person we are being sarcastic with, then it is just funny. But what if anyone in the room has doubts about that? We discovered that people are often laughing on the outside … and wondering on the inside if you really mean the sarcastic dig and if you really are that cynical, or mean, or “superior.” Read more

November 21, 2023

Even though most of us want to think we’re glass-half-full types, we all grumble and complain more than we know. As one of the seven patterns of negativity and unkindness found in the research for my book The Kindness Challenge, grumbling and complaining are close cousins of the relationship-killer of criticism. The good news is, grumbling has an antidote! And Thanksgiving week seems like a good time to explore it. Read more

November 14, 2023

Suspicion. We can descend into that spiral with a spouse, friend, or colleague without ever recognizing it. As one of the seven patterns of negativity and unkindness identified in the research for my book The Kindness Challenge, we need to confront four truths about suspicion so it doesn’t derail our relationships. Read more

November 7, 2023

This is Part 2 of a two-part series on date night ideas that can help keep your marriage connected, fun, and functioning! See Part 1 for the first three do’s and don’ts. You want to breathe new life into your marriage, and you know a date night is a great way to do that. But what do you do to make that happen? And perhaps just as important, what do you not do to undermine your efforts? In Part 1,... Read more

October 31, 2023

Date night. Have two words ever caused more expectation and pressure for couples? (Well, maybe “sex life,” but we’ll get to that in next week’s part 2!) Let’s take the pressure off. There is a way to turn date nights into what they are supposed to be: a great time to relax, step away from the routine, and reconnect as a couple. In this two-part series, we’ll show you research-based ways to connect in ways that make sense for you. It is all about knowing how to do that – and how not to. Read more

October 24, 2023

 Too often when trust has been broken, the person who broke the trust wants to simply apologize and move on. We all wish it were that easy, but it’s not. Imagine that trust is the water in a bathtub. When trust is broken, the water is drained out of the bathtub. You can’t just turn on the faucet with an apology and voila … the trust fills the tub back up. Instead, trust is rebuilt one trust-building action, one trust-building conversation at a time. This process is like filling the bathtub up one tablespoon at a time. Read more

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