Why not take the test drive? – Part 2 (More on cohabitation, getting engaged, and getting committed)

By Shaunti Feldhahn on February 25, 2016

Last week, I posted an article, “Why not take the test drive? The case against cohabitation,” on the unseen dangers of cohabitation before marriage. (As a recap: research shows that couples who live together without being engaged have a greater chance…

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Why not take the test drive? The case against cohabitation

By Shaunti Feldhahn on February 15, 2016

I’m a pastor who works with young couples.  As you know, most people live together before they get married and I can’t figure out how to talk to them about it.  I know from scripture that it’s a bad idea, but couples always ask “But why?”  To them, it just seems logical to try out a live-in relationship before committing to it for life.  The classic argument is, “If you wouldn’t buy a car without test-driving it, why on earth would you not test-drive a marriage – which is far more important?”  I know from experience with counseling many couples that it is a bad idea, but I need more than just my experience.  I’m a bit of a policy wonk, but I simply don’t have time to sift through the information out there to figure out what’s real and helpful. Is there any solid research on this?

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Secret #4 to a Highly Happy Marriage: Keep Score

By Shaunti Feldhahn on February 12, 2016

Marriages aren’t made or broken through dramatic gestures. It’s the small, everyday actions and choices that determine success and happiness. Learn more about what the happiest couples do in The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages. Most of us just…

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Women: Three phrases to never say to your husband

By Shaunti Feldhahn on February 10, 2016

Ladies, if there were a reality TV show like “What NOT to Wear,” but for relationships, these three things would be at the top of the list for “What NOT to say to your man.” Now, don’t get me wrong; I’ve actually said all these things at one point! You’ve probably said them, too. And you probably also saw the same thing I did: it never works out so well. Why? In research with thousands of men I learned these hurt far more than your man (or your son!) will ever let on. So let’s agree to put these on our no-no list.

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Secret #3 to a Highly Happy Marriage: Go to Bed Mad- Why Sleeping on it Might Be Smarter After All

By Shaunti Feldhahn on February 5, 2016

Marriages aren’t made or broken through dramatic gestures. It’s the small, everyday actions and choices that determine success and happiness. Learn more about what the happiest couples do in The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages. In an attempt to…

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Guys: 3 ways to listen well to your wife

By Shaunti Feldhahn on February 4, 2016

Men, finish this sentence.  Your wife is upset and says “I don’t want you to fix it, I just want you to ____.” Most of you have heard that… and most of you are confused because you think you are…

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Men: Four phrases that make you a hero to your wife

By Shaunti Feldhahn on January 19, 2016

Guys, I know from the For Men Only research that you want to make your wife happy.  And in many ways you already do!  But if you want to hit the happiness jackpot, here are the four phrases that (in roughly…

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Secret #1 to a Highly Happy Marriage: Little Is Big

By Shaunti Feldhahn on January 14, 2016

Marriages aren’t made or broken through dramatic gestures. It’s the small, everyday actions and choices that determine success and happiness. Learn more about what the happiest couples do in The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages. Wish Shaunti could speak…

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For Women: Five Reasons to Have Sex with the Lights On

By Shaunti Feldhahn on December 7, 2015

Yes, the idea is scary for many women!  But in 12 years of researching the things our husbands wish we knew but don’t know how to say, I heard the heart behind this wish – and saw five surprising reasons to…

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Ladies, do you know how to support your normal, visually-wired husband in this abnormal culture? 4 actions that matter

By Shaunti Feldhahn on December 2, 2015

1. Show him you’re someone he can talk to about it. Regardless of where your man lands on the visual temptation spectrum, a calm conversation is the starting point.  But many men are hesitant to talk, since they are convinced their…

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