So either wait and see what happens (which he will deeply appreciate), or if you truly need to say something, pause and be sure you’re raising it in a way that will limit the chance of being perceived as criticizing him. One good option: start with affirmation, and explain that the reason you’re saying anything is that you are troubled. “Honey, I know you usually avoid this street because of all the stop lights. I’m a bit anxious about being there on time.”
As one man explained it to me, “If you can help me understand the cost to you in this choice I’ve made, it makes me much more willing to be open to suggestions or questions. Because then it isn’t criticism. It is explaining that you’re anxious — and then I can help solve that for you.”
If you want to try to build a different habit, the best method is to practice catching yourself before saying those things that could be seen as negative, and saying affirming things instead. Consider taking the 30-Day Kindness Challenge, which will help you do exactly that!
We can all probably relate to having blurted out something, and then wished like crazy we could take it back. It will be a huge boon to our marriages to learn how to pause, and handle it in a good way from the beginning!
Helping people thrive in life and relationships is Shaunti Feldhahn’s driving passion, supported by her research projects and writing. After starting out with a Harvard graduate degree and experience on Wall Street, her life took an unexpected shift into relationship research. She now is a popular speaker around the world and the author of best-selling books about men, women, and relationships. (Including For Women Only, For Men Only, and the groundbreaking The Good News About Marriage)
Her newest book, The Kindness Challenge, demonstrates that kindness is the answer to almost every life problem, and is sparking a much-needed movement of kindness across the country. Visit www.shaunti.com for more.
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