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While doing some research for my next book, I realized something important: when we are angry, most of us handle it wrong! Here are four ways to keep ourselves from (forgive the Marvel reference) turning into a big green rage monster when we otherwise really want to!

1. In advance, realize: “venting” only makes things worse! Most of us have bought into the idea that letting a little steam out of the kettle now prevents it from exploding later, right? And taking a few minutes to vent to or about your spouse, child or boss just feels quite satisfying when we have steam pouring out of our ears.  The problem is, it turns out, it hurts instead of helping.

Neuroscientists such as Dr. Brad Bushman at Ohio State have discovered that actually expressing the anger we feel further activates an interconnected anger system in the brain and makes the kettle boil that much more. So while we can certainly express anger any time we want to, the question is whether we should if we want to keep her temper in check and preserve a relationship, a job, or our sanity.

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