What NOT to Say to Your Man – Ever

2. “You didn’t do a good job at ______.”

Whether spoken or implied, this comment is way, way more toxic to a male than you ever realized.  In fact, the research is clear that it’s a guy’s equivalent of hearing “I don’t love you.”  The reason is a hidden emotional reality.   Where a woman’s most profound inner vulnerability is usually, “Am I loveable?” a man’s is usually, “Am I any good at what I do?”  Each of us subconsciously look for signals from our mate about the answer to our inner question.  You may think it is such a little thing when you re-clean the kitchen counters after he has just done it, or re-make the bed “the right way.”  But for him, it looms large.  (This is why you start hearing him say “Nothing I do is ever good enough for you.”)  So when you see something that isn’t done “your way” ask yourself if correcting it is worth hurting his feelings. (Even if you don’t understand why on earth they would be hurt!).  If it is worth hurting him, well then fine, but correct him in a gentle way that tells him “I know you want me to be happy, and this is the way I like such-and-such.”   (“Thanks for cleaning the kitchen.  Do you mind if I move a few things back around?  I really do like the spice rack over here.”)  But even better, look for ways to answer his inner question in a positive way: simply say “thanks for making the bed, honey,” and you’ll be surprised at how happy that makes him.