Why Her and Not Me?

Each and every one of us will experience difficulty and trouble within our lifetime.  In fact, it’s part of being human.  Jesus said so.

John 16:33 states, 

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

Whether big or small, our troubles often cause us to question the way things are and maybe even get caught in the habit of comparing our lives to our perception of how others live.  I have certainly done this more than I’d like to admit.  I have certainly asked “Why?” from a place of shallow jealously when comparing myself to a friend.  Maybe you can relate.  Have you ever asked yourself any of these questions?

Why her and not me?

Her kids adore her, listen well, and make her proud.  My kiddos constantly embarrass me with their behavior, and I just feel overwhelmed and enraged.  I wish my kids would respond to me like hers do.

or

Why do I have to do everything around this house?  Can’t anyone lend a hand or simply not leave their underwear on the floor?  There’s not a day that I don’t see my neighbors kids and husband working hard on their yard.  Must be nice!

or

She always looks so fit, and she usually eats whatever she wants.  I gain a pound every time I so much as glance at a cupcake.  She’s so lucky…and skinny.  I am, well,…not.

or

Her nails always look so pretty.  Why can’t I afford to get my nails done…and a pedicure…and a massage?  What I wouldn’t give to live with her budget!

I realize these thoughts are petty and fleeting, and they can change by the hour.  These are details that don’t really matter in the grand scheme of things.  More or less, they are simply annoying, self-serving distractions that leave us feeling less than satisfied with ourselves and our lives, when really, we just need to be thankful.  If you are anything like me, we tend to ponder these questions all too often.  Frankly, we just need to stop this and move on.  Enough already!

There is another level of “Why?” that we are reluctant to face.  It’s the kind of “Why?” that takes our breath away, stops us in our tracks, and terrifies us.  It makes us question all that we hold dear and even the goodness or existence of God.  Pondering this kind of “Why?” forces us to explore our worst fears, and “What If?” often follows and even keeps us up at night.  These questions look more like this…

Why her and not me?

We got pregnant the minute I stopped taking the pill, and she hasn’t been able to conceive even after undergoing invitro fertilization three times and losing four babies to miscarriages.

Why her and not me?

Her husband seems to adore her, while mine will barely look my way.  Is he having an affair?

Why her and not me?

She has it all together.  She’s beautiful, friendly, and successful.  I can barely get out of bed due to my ongoing bought with depression.  This dark cloud just won’t go away.

Why her and not me?

She was adopted and raised in a beautiful, loving home, and I was tossed from foster home to foster home.  I guess nobody wanted me.

Why her and not me?

My kids have barely had to go to the hospital, and she had to move into the Ronald McDonald House while her young daughter is receiving multiple rounds of chemotherapy and fighting for her precious life. 

Why her and not me?  Why?  Why?  Why????

There is nothing petty or fleeting about these “Whys” at all.  They make our hearts ache.  The hurt they cause cuts us to our very core.  The “What Ifs” they bring are paralyzing to our souls.

Again, we must remember John 16:33.  Jesus acknowledges that every single last one of us will have trouble in this life, but we will overcome because He has overcome the world…the place that brings us trouble.  We live in a place that isn’t perfect, but we have a perfect Savior.  Our lives can never be nor will they ever be without flaws, snags, and detours.  Life is messy.  There is so much blessing and so much pain all happening at the same time.

So, the next time we are fearful of a dyer circumstance that has hit one of our friends or we find that we are dissatisfied with our lives in comparison to our perceptions of another’s life, what can we do?  We don’t have the power to change our friend’s heartbreaking situation and many times our hands are tied to change our own predicament.   Again, what are we to do?

WE CAN PRAY.

We can pray for our friend who is hurting.  Pray that God will give her peace and strength to face her difficult situation.  We can pray that God will surround her with friends and family who can offer support, and we can pray that God will help us to see how we can help her in a tangible way.

We can pray for ourselves.  Pray that God will help us to see the blessings in our lives and to not be paralyzed by the “What Ifs” and “Whys”.  We can pray that God will give us strength when we are facing trouble and to provide a peace that surpasses understanding along the way.  Pray that we won’t fall apart when trouble comes, but we will remember that Jesus overcame the grave and He will help us overcome any hardship.

I honestly can’t think of any time in my life when comparing myself to others made my situation better.  Prayer, on the other hand, has calmed my soul and helped me to see beyond myself.  Let’s remind ourselves daily to stop comparing and start praying.  Tell the “Whys” and “What Ifs” to take a hike.

For more on how to overcome worry, please read my blog post, “Hope for Those Who Worry”, by clicking here.