When a Husband and Wife Don’t See Eye to Eye

Recently, this photo of a dress went viral on the internet and had millions of people arguing about its color.  Like many of you, Dave and I were a little obsessed with deciding whether we considered this dress to be black and blue or white and gold.  We actually went to lunch at Cracker Barrel, and the first question the cashier asked us was “What colors do YOU think the dress is?”.  My Facebook wall was plastered with different friends proclaiming the colors they saw.  Some of my friends said they were relieved their husbands saw the same colors as them, while others were disappointed that their partners perceived the dress differently.  I think some were even questioning if their marriage was in good standing based on whether or not their spouse deemed the dress white and gold!

So, what does the viral reaction to this infamous dress have to do with marriage?  We’ll, a lot actually.

As I watched many of my friends making posts of their concern for their spouses not agreeing with how they saw the dress, I realized that this is how we often handle disagreements in our marriages.  We want our spouse to see things the way we see them all the time, and it makes us crazy when they don’t.

When we come together in marriage, we become one, but it doesn’t mean that we are going to agree on everything.  In fact, you can pretty much guarantee disagreements simply based on the differences that come with being male and female and having different upbringings.  We aren’t going to see eye to eye ALL the time, and sometimes, it will be hard to swallow.  So, how do we handle it?

1.  We need to respect our spouse’s opinion.

Even though he/she may have a different view of the situation at hand, we need to let him/her share his/her thoughts without us interrupting or cutting the conversation off completely.  Let’s hear him/her out!  Then, we can share our thoughts and keep the line of communication open.

2. We shouldn’t jump to conclusions.

I am very guilty of this.  Even though I can sometimes finish Dave’s sentences for him, I can’t do it ALL the time.  I get myself into trouble sometimes when I think I have him completely figured out, and I don’t really listen when he is talking.  So, once he is finished telling me about how he sees a situation, I try to verbally summarize what Dave just told me and repeat it back to him to make sure I’m truly understanding what he’s saying.  This helps me to not jump to conclusions and to better understand his side of things, because it is very easy to misinterpret things…especially when you are so hoping that your partner is in full agreement with you on a matter.

3.  We must be willing to compromise.

In order for a marriage to work, there must be compromise.  One spouse can’t always be right and the other can’t always be wrong.  There must be a happy medium that works best for both partners.  My husband often says that in a marriage you win together and lose together.  There can’t be a winner and a loser because WE ARE ONE.  So, we must work it out.  Disagreeing isn’t necessarily a bad thing; it’s just difficult.  When we disagree, we must consider why we think the way we do and articulate it to our partner.  It is a great exercise in self-reflection and communication with our spouse.  It can make us stronger and more united, if we allow it to.

So, instead of letting this silly dress make you question your marital bliss, let it propel you to approach disagreements with care.

And, for what it’s worth, that dress is totally BLACK AND BLUE.

For more on how to effectively communicate with your spouse, be sure to check out our latest book “The Marriage Minute”, by clicking here.