Ashley Willis
When we’re desperate to save our marriage, we come to a place where we’re willing to do ANYTHING to make things better. Tragically, these desperate acts often kill the marriage altogether.
We know that lying and cheating are wrong and completely against our marriage vows, but it’s amazing how our views on this can become a complicated “gray area” when we’re in the thick of it–especially when we tell ourselves that the act is a viable means to an end to make our marriage better.
We live in crazy times with lots of BAD marriage advice making the rounds, and this supposedly good advice is actually a massive pit for our marriage. So, it’s extremely important that we are aware of these pitfalls. Here’s the 3 WORST things you can do in an attempt to save your marriage:
- Swinging
In case you’ve never heard of it, “swinging” is the act of exchanging partners with another couple, married or not. It’s surprisingly gaining popularity among some married couples today. Couples who are sexually bored decide that in order to stay married, they should spice things up by experimenting with another couple. They seem to think that this risky behavior will bring back the spark in their marriage. Sadly, this couldn’t be farther from the truth.
Friends, this is infidelity times four AND dangerous on so many levels. Swinging goes completely against our marriage vows and opens us up to becoming emotionally confused and breaks the trust in our marriage…whether we mutually agreed to swinging or not.
Every couple I’ve talked to who has ever experimented with swinging has ended up divorced and full of regret. Please don’t get pulled into this trap. It will NOT help your marriage; it will only makes things so much worse…if not ruin the marriage altogether.
2. Watching porn together.
This is a hot topic…even among Christian couples. Many couples will agree that it is wrong for a spouse to watch porn by himself/herself, but some think it is absolutely fine for a couple to watch it together to spice things up a bit. In fact, every time I’ve written a blog about porn, I’ve received countless angry responses arguing this point.
Friends, please understand that I share this information with you in attempt to help you, not judge you. As I’ve shared in previous posts, my husband had a porn habit in the early years of our marriage. And, it almost devastated us, but there is hope in recovery. Read, “To the Husband who Watches Porn: A Wife’s Perspective,” for more on this.
It’s important to consider why porn exists in the first place. It plays on the most basic, animalistic, unchecked, human sexual instincts and exploits people in the process. Studies have shown that the consistent use of porn drastically lowers our ability to have a normal, satisfying sex life with our partner.
Bottom line, porn has no place in our marriage. It may seem like a good, quick way to get you both in the mood, but it has lasting consequences that will hurt your marriage. God created sex to be a beautiful gift for a husband and wife, and we need to recognize porn as the hollow, destructive counterfeit that it is.
For more statistics and information on how to stop your porn habit, visit XXXChurch.com, by clicking here.
3. Having a “hall pass” or “open marriage”.
The “hall pass” and “open marriage” are terms that are quickly becoming more acceptable among the masses. I find this very disturbing. Both encourage spouses to legally stay married but have the option of hooking up with whomever they please at any time. Basically, they are both crafty terms for having an affair.
It’s even more disturbing that some secular marriage therapists have suggested that a hall pass is one way to improve our marriage. Click on the article below for more on this.
As one who has been co-leading marriage conferences for the past five years and one who wholeheartedly believes in the sanctity of marriage, I can tell you with certainty that a hall pass and open marriage will only lead to a broken marriage. Every. Single. Time.
It’s easy to lower our standards and consider options that we would’ve never done before when we are desperate, but Friend, I promise you that there are so many better ways to save your marriage. Going outside the marriage–expecting someone or something else to fill the void you currently feel between you and your spouse–is NOT going to help. Go see a Christian marriage counselor on a regular basis. Talk to your pastor. Attend a marriage retreat. Take time to talk every day, and spend time in prayer together. Any or all of those things will yield much better results for you and your marriage.
Thanks so much for reading, sharing, and responding! I’d love to connect with you on Facebook! Be blessed.
For practical tips and honest testimonies on how to save your marriage, be sure to check out our latest video resource, “Married,” by clicking here.
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