Something to Remember When You Don’t “Fit In”

The desire for acceptance is one that starts very early.  We often peg this as a rather “junior high” quest, but it often follows us into adulthood.  I have always felt a bit different, and as I grow older, I become more and more thankful for my weirdness. This feeling of thankfulness in being different has been a pretty painful journey with rivers of tears shed over not fitting in and countless times of wishing I was somebody else.

Although I have always “gone to the beat of a different drummer”, this reality became quite clear when I was in fifth grade. I had been living in New York City with my mom experiencing my childhood dream of performing in a Broadway show. God was gracious enough to give me the amazing opportunity for nearly two years and in two different shows. When my mom decided to move us back after her father passed away, I was so excited to see my old friends again and return to life as normal. I had no idea that I would be walking into a train wreck.

I remember starting fifth grade at my old elementary school with excitement, and at first, my old friends were happy to see me. I could not wait to tell them about all the experiences I had in New York, and I wanted to hear about the exciting things that they had been doing. Instead of eager ears, I found turned up noses and “so what” attitudes. Needless to say, I was hurt and pretty much wanted to disappear.

That year, my friends seemed to only care about cheerleading and whether or not I could do a back handspring. So, I went home, and told my mom that I wanted to take tumbling lessons and learn how to do a back handspring as soon as possible. Mom saw how desperate I was about this, so she put me in lessons.

No matter what I did to try and fit in, I was never quite good enough in their eyes. I just wanted to be fully accepted by them. I hated being different. It is no exaggeration to say that I would cry almost every day after school. Mom even thought about pulling me out of that elementary school. I felt like I had no true friend, and I was bound and determined to find one.

Back in those days, the heart necklaces that said “best” on one side and “friend” on the other were very popular. You would wear one half of the charm and your best friend would wear the other half. I remember buying one of those necklaces and trying to decide who to give it to. When I tried to give it to a girl that I had been friends with for years, she looked at me and pulled out another charm from around her neck and said “Sorry, I am already ______’s best friend” with a forced smile. As you can imagine, this was torture for me as someone just trying to fit in. As the school year went on, I formed better friendships with boys, but I still desperately wanted to fit in with my old girlfriends. I didn’t want to be different, or at least, I thought I didn’t.

When I entered sixth grade, I decided to start the school year with a plan. I finally knew how to do a back handspring and I wanted to try out for the cheerleading team. I didn’t make the team that year, but I did my seventh grade year. I was so excited to be a cheerleader. I thought that I would finally find the acceptance that I so longed for. What I didn’t realize is that I was caught smack dab in the middle of a game that I could NEVER win.

Thankfully, I reconnected with a kind girl who remembered me from Sunday school when we were very little. I had her over to the house, and she told me all about how amazing her youth group was and that I should come. Although my family hadn’t attended the church regularly in years, I asked my parents and they said I could go. I will never forget my first night at “Vision” youth group. We played all kinds of goofy games, sang praise songs, and heard relevant Bible messages. When the opportunity came to attend the Christian camp that summer, I begged my parents to allow me to go and they did. That summer changed my life forever.

On a warm evening, in the light of the campfire, I finally understood that I was different on purpose. I learned about a God who loved me and even died for me. All the terrible things I had done and could ever do were forgiven. I asked Jesus into my heart that night and was baptized at my church the following Sunday.

As I mature in my relationship with the Lord, I realize that being different is part of following Him. There is nothing normal about the Creator of the universe sending his Son to die for his messed up people so that they may be forgiven of their sins. There is nothing normal about a perfect God willingly taking the load of the cross and all the sin of the world on His shoulders and all the shame and agony that comes with it. There is absolutely nothing normal about Jesus experiencing death on the cross, lying dead for three days, and then miraculously rising from the grave. That’s NOT NORMAL.

So, why did I long to be “normal”? As human beings, it is natural to want to fit in and be accepted, but what I often forget is that we are not made for this world. We were created by our Heavenly Father in His very image. In Ecclesiastes 3: 11 (AMP), it says

“He has made everything beautiful in its time. He also has planted eternity in men’s hearts and minds [a divinely implanted sense of a purpose working through the ages which nothing under the sun but God alone can satisfy], yet so that men cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end.”

With eternity in our hearts and minds, we are made to be different and to feel out of place. This world is not our home. We belong with our Savior. As followers of Christ, we are called to be holy. The word “holy” means “set apart”. In John 15: 19 (NLT), Jesus uses strong language to convey what being set apart looks like in our world when he says,

“The world would love you as one of its own if you belonged to it, but you are no longer part of the world. I chose you to come out of the world, so it hates you.”

Now, I don’t think Jesus is asking us to go gather up some haters for ourselves. I just think He is making it clear that being a follower of Christ is different. Jesus was and is most definitely, set apart. So, if you ever feel a little out of place or slightly weird, take heart; you’ve been SET APART.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and share this post.  Be blessed!