Ashley Willis
Recently, there have been news stories and articles about a supposedly new option for couples when they are experiencing marriage troubles–the “relationship sabbatical.” Though there are several different takes on what this looks like, a relationship sabbatical is essentially an arrangement where a husband and wife decide to spend an extended period of time apart and allow their spouse to explore other relational options. So, it is pretty much an long term “hall pass.” As one who has a passion for helping those whose marriages are in trouble, this definitely got my attention.
However, I think a relationship sabbatical/hall pass is a surefire way to RUIN your marriage. And, here’s why:
- A relationship sabbatical goes completely against your marriage vows.
“Relationship sabbatical” and “hall pass” are just creative words for “affair” or “infidelity”. Those in favor of it think it is okay because both the husband and the wife are apparently choosing to allow it to happen. However, as cited in a story on Today, one spouse usually feels pressured to allow it. In most cases, the husband asks for it, while the wife reluctantly agrees. One therapist in favor of a hall pass in the Today segment said that she counsels these women to help them become more accepting of the idea. I found this to be terribly disturbing.
The very notion of a hall pass goes against the reason we marry in the first place. We vow to “forsake all others”. When we marry, we pledge our love and commitment to our spouse as our ONE AND ONLY. In fact, we shouldn’t get married if we don’t desire a monogamous, committed relationship for life. This is precisely what makes a marriage relationship different from a dating relationship. So, the idea of giving your partner a relationship sabbatical/hall pass or even requesting one goes against everything that marriage is. Engaging in or agreeing to a hall pass is basically giving up on the hope that your marriage can get better.
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