4 Ways to LOVE the Golden Years of Marriage

Last year, I had the privilege of speaking at a women’s conference at a local church.  This was the first time I had spoken publicly about marriage without Dave, my husband, by my side.  I spoke to a room full of women from a wide variety of backgrounds, ethnicities, and ages about how to keep our marriages going strong.  It was a lot of fun, and I loved meeting so many amazing ladies.

Right before I left, an eldery woman took me aside, and I will never forget what she had to say to me.  She started out by giving me an encouraging word about how much she enjoyed my session at the conference.  Then, she said,

“I know you are young and not anywhere near the stage I am in my marriage, but I would encourage you and your husband to talk more about how God wants us to approach the latter years marriage.”

I agreed with her.  I wanted and needed to learn more about this as well, so I asked her if she could be more specific with her question.  She continued by saying,

“My husband and I have been married a long, LONG time.  We are both at home together ALL day, EVERY day.  Sometimes, I feel like I can’t breath because there are so many hours in the day, and I don’t know what to do with all of this time.  It is suffocating.  I love him, but the reality of” ’til death do us part” is exhausting and daunting to me.  How do we find something to look forward to at this point in our marriage?”

Wow.

That is all I could think.  I honestly didn’t know what to say.  Dave and I are only 14 years in to our marriage, and I am looking so forward to growing old with him.  It made so sad to think that she has been married for over 40 years, and she isn’t excited AT ALL about the future.  They were both retired with grown kids and life had slowed down to a paralyzing halt.  The silence between them was deafening to her, and both of them had forgotten how to dream together and stopped believing that it was even possible to enjoy their time together anymore.

I don’t know why I was so shocked by this lady’s story, because unfortunately, this happens all too often.  Some couples experience this when they become empty-nesters, and unfortunately, there are some who decide to divorce due to the unexciting future they see before them.  How is it that so many of us end up losing our way?  Even when we stick it out, like this woman and her husband, does God want us to settle for an existence that is nothing more than bearable?

The answer is a resounding NO.

We are meant to live life to the fullest.  God has given us great purpose both as individuals and as couples.

In John 10:10, Jesus says,

The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.

We cannot marry the love of our life, raise children, move, change jobs, experience life day in and day out together, grow old together, and then settle for a weary existence of ticking clocks in silent rooms where we sit together but feel completely alone.

That is not living life to the fullest nor experiencing the blessings of a long, thriving marriage.

So, how can we find purpose and joy in these golden years of our marriage?  Is it even possible?

Yes!  Here are are few ways to LOVE the golden years of marriage:

1.  We can continue to dream together.

Many married couples stop dreaming together once the reality of marriage sets in.  We need to be more excited about the dreams we have for the awesome years ahead of us than we are about planning an amazing wedding.  Sure, there will absolutely be bumps in the road that we can’t plan for, but that doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t make plans.  We need to take time discuss what we are passionate about together and use that as a catalyst to help other people.  How can we serve?  How can we have fun together?  What do these things look like for us in the future…without kids…when we are retired?  Dave and I have a passion for both marriage and hospitality, so we plan to open up a bed and breakfast when our kids are grown.  We want to use it to give couples time to work on their marriages and just enjoy each other.  We try to visit at least one B and B a year so we can learn more about how we want ours to look one day.  This gets us excited about our empty-nester years and helps us to take steps to prepare for our golden years of marriage.

So, go ahead, start talking about your dreams for the future.  You might be surprised what you come up with.  Then, get excited about it and start working towards it.

2.  We can help those in earlier years of marriage.

Todd and Stacy are an amazing couple at our church who have been married for over twenty years and have four thriving grown children.  They share a passion for helping other couples through the earlier phases of their marriages.  In fact, Dave and I have gone to Todd and Stacy for advice on the parenting years.  They have helped us tremendously, and they experience great joy in using their wisdom to help others.  We might think that we have nothing to teach another couple, but sharing our advice and lessons learned in our own marriages can truly make a difference.

3.   We get to spend more time getting to know our best friend.

If we have continually worked on our marriages throughout the years, then we will have a deep love AND friendship that brings a very special level of comfort and peace to our lives.  As spouses, we know each other better than anyone else on Earth, and there is still more to discover about one another in the golden years.

4.  We can embrace the freedom that the golden years may offer.

When our kids are grown and out of the house, we have a new kind of freedom that we could only dream about during the child-rearing years.  However, many times, we get to the empty-nest phase and become disillusioned with our marriage and what the future holds.  Even if we don’t have children, we might become dissatisfied with our work situations as we near retirement or change jobs in our golden years.  We must stay ahead of the game by planning for the exciting things we want to do together with this soon-to-be new found freedom.  Go on date nights as much as your budget will allow.  Make love whenever and wherever you want to in your house!  Take those trips you always wanted to take but never could afford or find the time to do.  Learn something new together.  Take a cooking class, dance lessons, or learn how to speak a new language together.  The options are endless during this time if we embrace it.  Though we may be limited by our health or financial situations, there is always something to look forward to together.  The key is that we press on together with hope in our hearts and an excitement about what the future holds.  Remember Jeremiah 29:11?  God is excited about our future, so why shouldn’t we be?

Let’s not just grow “old” together, let’s truly become “golden” together. 

Proverbs 20:29

The glory of the young is their strength;
the gray hair of experience is the splendor of the old.

For more ideas on how to keep your marriage going strong, be sure to check out our latest book,      .